Mr Jellingtons lives the thug life

So it's been about 6 months since I last posted something. Skool takes up a HUGE amount of time and it's the most work I have ever done in my life. It's such an amazing feeling finally knowing what I want to do in life though. I've always had an idea and it's always been to do with medicine except that one time in pre-school when I thought being a vacuum cleaner would be pretty sweet.
The future looks bright. I've thought about my blog and have done some drawings for stories but for once, I've put work in front of fun. Sort of. I don't like to neglect my projects though and this blog has been good for me :)

Chico is now twice the size he was my last post and loves the beach to the point where he would literally dive out of a moving car to get to it. The last few visits I've been sad because he hasn't been showing much interest in me. But we reckon this is because when he knows he's going to the beach, nothing else matters. I go to pat him..... 

Chico: Excuse me... but are you the beach?

Me:....no?

Chico: Then we have no business, on your way.

I don't like the beach very much. I like going out, watching the dog play and looking for shells but I'm not a huge fan of the water, I don't like how I end up finding sand where it shouldn't be and I especially don't like the sun. I got horrible sun burn on my shoulders because that day I decided I was going to wear a sleeveless  top. What's worse is that it looked like that sun burn tan that says to people "Hey, I've been to the beach and I had a great time." I didn't. 

The beach we go to which allows dogs off leashes, there's usually a shit ton of washed up jelly fish as well. They are relevant to my interests because of reasons and I go around poking them and screaming "JELLY JELLYS, JAKE!!" 

Good day to you, I am Mr Jellingtons. Yes, this is my real hair. How dare you think otherwise.

After a semester of learning how to deal with cultural diversity and leaning more about the human psyche, you'd think I'd have more of an understanding of how other people tick. And I do, it's been pretty facinating so far but I still don't know whether I dislike people because I'm just intolerant or it's just because people are fucking stupid. When I see shit like this

Livin' the thug life

 OR THIS

(Yes, that is a shop which was in the city for a while dedicated entirely to One Direction) it really makes me wonder how some people keep ticking.

I'm not the newest of the new to the internets but I'm not the oldest of the old either.I swear they're getting younger though. I'm on the train and the train driver announces that the Caboolture line (complete opposite direction to where we were going anyway) will be down from this date to this date. This kid in his yet to hit puberty voice yelled "Cool story, bro."

I burst out laughing. Mostly because it was unexpected as well as the fact that this kids balls were probably the size of peanuts. Why I thought of that, I'm not entirely sure. I laughed, but it wasn't a "Ha ha ha" laugh it came out as a sort of "BWAHA HA" A few people looked at me and I pretended to look as though I was looking at my phone. I don't think anyone noticed the screen was blank. 

Chico

I have lived with cats all my life. So you can probably guess what my favourite animal is. That's right, it's not a dog but I do have a few exceptions especially if you are this dog.

CHICO TITS McAWESOME

This little guy belongs to Jake but I have quite a massive attachment to this him as well. He's a American Bulldog cross Irish Wolfhound and Rottweiler. All massive dogs and at 6 months old, Chico weighs a healthy 13kg.

Only ever being exposed to dogs for a few hours at a time when we visited people with dogs, and being mauled by one at the age of five, I never know exactly how to react to a dog's quick movements. Chico's head may as well be made of titanium because if you don't move quick enough, he accidently head butts you in the face in his excitement. The only time I've ever seen my cats move quickly is if they're being chased or there's food around. Any other time there is no real concern of missing anything or fear that there could be ball thrown at any minute and they're not ready for it.

Chico has all the characteristics you'd expect from a 6 month old puppy but he's one of the brightest dogs I have ever come across. At the age of 2-3 months, he hops off the couch, trots outside, does his business then comes back inside again. He's also quite a fast learner and although needs to be reminded how to do things every now and then, by the time he's about 1, I'm expecting him to juggle 3 oranges instead of 2. 

One of the only issues I have with a growing puppy is that he's growing. He can still be a big dog at a small stature instead of being a quick, salivating brick house. He thinks he can still do tiny dog stuff at his size and what might have seemed cute at one point, quickly becomes terrifying. The barks, the feeling it's appropriate to step on my crotch when moving from one side of me to the other and the suffocating love that he inflicts when he's hyperactive.

Jake truly has a companion for life in this dog and vice versa. Even my life seems a little brighter every time we go to pick him up and Chico jumps into the car, ready for an adventure. Not to mention he's very easy on the eyes.

Just look at that handsome boy. 

Questions about Chico:

Q. Have you ever taken him off any sweet jumps?
A. Why yes actually.

In this video, you can see my fat arse trying to be a dog trainer. I have liver treats and everything. As usual, all the best moments happen off camera.

Q. How big will Chico be fully grown?
A. This is an American Bulldog cross at 9 months old

Jake's dream is to have him looking like this

I reckon if we continue to take him off those sweet jumps, he'll end up looking like that.

Jake: 18 months is when they stop being a spastic.

Q.Those dogs are dangerous. It's in their nature to fight. By owning one you are putting someone in danger.

A.These dogs were originally bred to work on farms as guard dogs. With any dog though, it is how they're brought up that determines whether they're vicious or not. They will not violently respond unless they're highly provoked. They're family dogs. Chico gets plenty of attention and love. He lives with another dog and is very sociable. He has not shown any threatening behaviour to any stranger and will happily let anyone give him a pat. He made a new friend at the dog park just this afternoon.

4 year old Tigger has become a mentor for this young pup.

He's our sooky baby. One night he was sleeping at the end of the bed and stirred quite hard for a little while before creeping up the bed to our end and snuggling in between us. Jake reckons he had a nightmare. It was the moment of a child having a nightmare and climbing into bed with mum and dad. I was overjoyed with this crazy mother-like emotion. 

If you have any more questions about Chico or you want a hurdle jump demonstrator, feel free to send me an email.

sweet_seduction_and_hopscotch@hotmail.com

The Best Camping Trip Ever

Do nothing
Still cause trouble

For weeks now I had been banging on about wanting to go camping and to get away. It didn't really go as planned. The forecast predicted rain and it was raining but we decided to go anyway. 1, because I had already taken time off work and would cause some shit if I had to reschedule and 2. If I stayed in Brisbane another day, someone was sure to lose their head. Basically if I had a metre in my head measuring the amount of fucks I gave about anything, it would look like this.

I was so excited to go, I had packed everything before I had even arranged for Jake to come get me. It was pouring down with rain and I was hoping the closer we got down south, it would clear up just slightly. Driving hats on, sometimes conditions like this called for driving moustaches. 

I wish I could have taken more photos of the scenery but I didn't realise then that our stay down at Binna Burra would be so short lived. Picture a narrow country road, going up a mountain with no barriers separating the road from the steep cliff. Rainforest trees and the occasional cyclist. One moment we could see clearly, the next we were driving through a cloud. That was pretty sick.

That camping grounds were lovely. Spaced out nicely and everyone of them had a fire pit. The grounds had reserved us a spot bigger than we had actually asked for. Our swag tent took up a quarter of the space

SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES!!!!!!

The swag had a mattress inside it though and it was honestly the most comfortable tent I had ever stayed in.

Inside our tent, looking out

Inside the tent

We may not have had a big tent. But this was going to be DA BEST CAMPING TRIP EVRRRRRR

I was dozing when I heard something running through the leaves and brush outside our tent. It kept sweeping back and forth and then came a constant tapping. I opened my eyes, thinking it was a kid but through the haziness I could see it was one of those goddamn bush turkeys pecking at some of our scraps I had put outside the tent flap.

We get these everywhere around our place. They're always knocking about in our backyard, scratching at the mulch and in the garden. Our cats don't bother with them. I have never seen either of them chase after a turkey or go near one. They're a pest but I do love speed walking after them and jumping out from behind stuff and scaring them. They make a funny noise when you chase them as well. So anyway, this turkey had no idea that he wasn't alone and that he was literally a couple of centimetres away from my face.

I pushed the screen flap on our tent and went "KkSSSSSSSSssssss!!!" and scared the thing half to death. It ran off and I laughed. About five minutes later after I had put my head back down, the sneaky bastard thought he'd have another go. He paused when he noticed I was staring at him and decided he'd keep walking.

I heard him circle the tent. He then poked his head around to see if I was still watching and then continue to circle again. Before he came back around, I snuck the scraps back into the tent.

He didn't come back.

We both woke from our nap to find it had become dark and the rain was pounding down on the roof of our swag. It was pissing down and water was splashing in from outside. Jake noticed the lining of the roof was wet. We had a bit of a problem...the fricken swag was leaking and it was only 6:00pm.

Jake: This doesn't look good

Mer: "No Meredith, why would we need to take a tarpolin? We don't need a tarpolin, this tent is waterproof"

Jake: It's not a tent!! and it is water proof

Mer: Clearly not. Mother....did I actually get dripped on?

The roof was dripping onto the sleeping bag and the mattress so there was no way we were able to stay in there the night without getting completely soaked. It was almost closing time at the front office so I quickly rang the office and asked the lady if they had any spare tents they could lend us. They had no tents but there were the safari tents (sort of cottage tents) which were apparently the next thing up from a place in the campsite. She said they had one left due to a cancellation for $76 a night and that we were welcome to just walk in when we were ready. The only issue was is that it was at the other end of the park. We braced ourselves and bailed the tent.

We had been given a map when we arrived at the park which looked as though it had been drawn by a six year old. It was difficult to find our camp site that afternoon when it wasn't raining; trying to make sense of it in the pouring rain was ridiculous.

After what seemed like a million steps, our safari tent was the last one at the bottom of the hill. When we got there, it really wasn't what I was expecting at all. I had seen in 'An Idiot Abroad', when Karl Pilkington travelled to India, he stayed the night in a Safari tent. His looked a bit like this and this is what I was expecting.

Ours looked like this

(with our stuff already inside)

The floor was sticky and dirty. Considering the two little blood spatters on my side of the bed, the mattress covers didn't look as though they had been changed since the last visitors. The black line in the background isn't a nice decorative touch to the tent.

That my friends, is a thick, long line of mildew. MOLD and that is a rather dangerous amount as well.

Granted, this shithole is better than sleeping in a wet tent but in no way what so ever was I paying $76 for it in the morning. I was cranky and disappointed that our camping trip ended up so shit and our plan to stay two nights would be impossible.
Jake made me buy a 24 pack of sausages (in case of an emergency) and I had no problem with letting him cook all of them.

So at least we didn't go hungry. I only had one sausage before I decided to turn in. We huddled like penguins to keep warm and I had the weirdest dreams that night. One dream about a game show.

Nickelback are a pest but it's not the answer. I also yelled at Jake thinking he was Lindley and he had stolen my phone. I do have some very vivid dreams, especially when I'm grumpy :(

We woke up and decided to check out. Preparing myself to pay the $76, I went up to the desk and the girl looked us up, then looked at me.

Girl: You've paid.....

Me: Oh....really?

Girl: Yeah, you paid the depost on the 18th and then the rest yesterday.

Mer:...okay. Well we uh....

*Jake stands up*

Mer: Nevermind....

Girl: Okay, well have a good day and we hope to see you another time!

Mer: Kay...bye.

We briskly walked back to the car before she realised we hadn't stayed in the tent the whole night.

I would love to go back to Binna Burra one day. But this time with a tarpolin and a tent that's called a tent. And it will be DA BEST CAMPING TRIP EVRRRRRRR

Sorry, yes is not a type of cheese we have.

My moods have been weird the past few weeks. I'm not majorly sad, maybe just a little fed up. Lots to do for Tafe, which is to be expected. I don't really enjoy it much any more unfortunately and have actually been known to 'sleep in' deliberately and miss my first class. I can't do that too often though. Gets a little suspicious. Oh well, 5-6 weeks until graduation. I'm marking it straight on the calender when I find out the actual date. I don't have a calender of my own so I'll buy one and mark it. It will be the middle of the year so calenders should be half price. 

If you want to ask the same questions repeatedly over a period of 8 hours, join Subway. Eventually you'll forget what you've asked instantly and ask again OR you will think you have asked but instead you've just remembered what the last order said. Customers don't like that. I don't like it when they tell me it's not toasted as soon as I've put it in the toaster and they've watched me do it. After a long day, the people who answer yes to a multiple choice question, will just get what they're given. You don't want old english cheese? Well too bad....bitch. The last hour of my shift is 'muck up' hour. Much like the last day of school but better.

                                     

Titanic 1912-2012

Come Josephine in my flying machine, going up she goes...up she goes

I've been obsessed with Titanic and her two sister ships since I was....well I would have had to have been 7 years old when the James Cameron movie came out although I'm fairly sure my mum had told me about the disaster before. Lets just say I was really young. I kinda wanted to write something about the ship tonight, it being the 100th anniversary and all. In the past I've done several school reports about her, one just last year at Tafe explaining she's one of the great wonders in history.

Many people, including myself wonder why the disaster happened when Titanic had the best crew and captain at the time on board. It's true the crew ignored ice warnings and morse calls but they were convinced they were going to be okay. The ship was unsinkable after all. 

It is believed that if the ship had hit the iceberg front on, she would have survived the collision, with only two of the lower compartments been filled with water. Instead the crew tried to dodge the iceberg by going around it, hitting a protruding side of the iceberg and ripping open 5 of 16 lower compartments. The ship would have stayed afloat if only 4 of the compartments had been filled.

Studies have recently concluded how and why the Titanic disaster happened. Icebergs from the glaciers in Greenland move along a current and enter the slightly warmer waters in the Northern Atlantic, in the middle of  the ship's route. The sudden cold air condensing with the warm air causes a mirage effect on the human eye. With the sky being so clear and the water so still, it was almost impossible to make out where the sky ended and where the water started. The iceberg was invisible to the crew's lookouts, until the ship was almost literally on top of the ice.

This is the iceberg which sank the Titanic. Strips of red paint were left on the ice after the collision.

Yes, Titanic had two sisters. The Britannic and the Olympic. The Brtiannic was a hospital ship during the First World War and also sunk in 1916 when she was hit by a water mine.
The Olympic also nearly sank in 1911 when she crashed into another steamer. She was saved and repaired and retired in 1935. 

Titanic and Olympic

Britannic
(she was purrrdy)

The Titanic finally slipped underneath the freezing water at 2:20am on April 15th, 1912.


I really should be doing my Psychology assignment but typical me, if I'm interested enough in something, It has my undivided attention. As I've stated before to many of you, my Psychology class this semester is a joke and quite honestly, if there was a course in White Star Line steam liners, I'll be the first to drop out of Psych and join that class.

These things will be the death of me. Warning: Quite long and no pictures this time :(

Customer: What's in the seafood?
Me: ...I don't know

Blogs are a teensy bit difficult to keep up with when you're studying. For people who are interested for new posts, here it is. :D Not that feel as though I could be bothered studying anyway. I am hating this semester with a passion and just want to get into uni asap. I thought Human Movement might contribute well in nursing, but it's more used for people who want to become personal trainers. I find this out just THIS year. derp.

I've always enjoyed Psychology but I enjoyed it with last years teacher. This years teacher puts me to sleep because all she talks about is her personal life in relation to what we're learning about. The mature age students with children like to contribute as well and one particular guy has a life experience story for every topic brought up in class. One girl who likes telling stories tells them in such a way that sort of makes me want to punch her in the face and this other guy likes to throw his opinion out in the open or answer other people's questions when they're not directed at him. Alex calls him 'Manorexic." because he totally is.

I've lost interest in Psych really. Last year I learnt more in class than in the text book because the damn book is so boring. When i lose interest in something, my marks plummet down. I almost got straight A's in last years class, this semester's first exam was pretty damn bad. >__> Luckily I have a chance at a resit.

There's 7 days in a week but it takes just one of those days to hold an event that has the potential to change a life forever. I think it's incredible how one person can change something, whether it be for better or for worse. Or even both! Something can only happen for a split second or something somebody says can change your outlook on that person, make you come to a realisation or bring on an array of emotion. Just these past couple of days all of that has happened to me and the feeling is just so overwhelming. For three years he has been in the back of my mind. The confusion and sadness paralysed me into thinking I was worthless and even contributed to the break up of a new relationship. I was so in love it made me sick as soon as it was broken and I had no strength of my own. Only a few of my true friends were my "scaffolding" . Without them, I would have crumbled. It has been a long time since I felt so low like that but he was still lingering at the back of my mind. Especially since I was looking after his cat. Scarily enough, I saw a lot of him in Chester. It didn't effect how I treated Chester, not at all. It was sad though. Who knew all he had to say to me to break these years of subconscious attachment was "That's pathetic, that's not in the slightest bit amusing. Stop being a fucking child" 

(That was towards, like, the best joke ever that I sent him)

Just re-writing that brought up this feeling of molten lava from my heart all the way up to my cheeks. RAGE. What feelings were left for him instantly disappeared and in its place a burning hatred. Yeah, I went off my face. Got a bit emotional. Called him a few interesting names. Not the man I fell in love with, not even a man at all at the moment. It's the first time I've gone off at him since we broke up. I don't know what I did to him that caused this hatred towards me but you can have it right back. 

Come.At.Me.Bro.Ski. 

I still feel anger towards what else he wrote to me but only time will heal that.
I'm not really interested in going back in the dating game. Just going to play it cool. Although I have my experiences, I'm no expert in relationships but even when you love a person so much and you trust them with everything, NEVER give anybody money you know will be difficult for them to return. It's really not worth the hassle and you'll have some loser implying you're dishonest and that you lived off them the entire time you were in a relationship with them. I'm not really one interested in getting revenge. I am a huge believer in karma though. He's most likely going to get on the wrong side of someone who's capable of doing a lot worse than I could....which is just calling you a variety of abusive colourful names. I am trained in karate though ;D

I need a massive holiday. I should be going camping sometime soon with Jake. I found the coolest place just an hour and a half out of Brisbane. A nice camp-site near a dam to swim in, a spot to build a camp fire, track and trails, just a place to kick back and relax. DISREGARD THE AUTHORITIES 

Thanks for reading, guize.

Body Paint Project by Samm Starrs

Clickkkey the picture to make it bigger...if you likes.

ATTACK OF THE BOOBS

Samm's work never fails to amaze me. She is brilliant. Painting took around 5 hours. (with a few little breaks)  I look tired. I wanted to sit sooooo badly.

If you want to look at some of Samm's other stuff Click here

DEFINE REALITY

....There's something wrong with you.

It's true, I'm not all there. No, I don't take drugs.
I know I'm different. stfu I'm pretty boss at multitasking. Half my head's in the clouds and the rest is in reality.

I guess I just think differently to some people. I often have trouble relating to emotion, I sometimes take things literally and sympathy doesn't come from me easily. Times is hard but I believe if there's something that can be done about it, then suck it up and do it. If there isn't anything you can do, leave it be. I used to be a lot more tolerant but I just got walked all over. The people who have used me as door mat no longer exist to me any more. Sadly I've developed the "I don't give a shit" attitude towards things. Not towards everything of course. School, work, family and friendships mean everything to me but I could not give a witches tit if someone didn't like me. That was something that used to bother me so much and now it's honestly the least of my worries.


One person who has always been there for me is my little brother, Lindley. Click HERE to go to one of my earlier stories about him. Miraculously, Lin's never had much of a problem with bullying. The people he went to school with were all really understanding. There were a few exceptions though. I once punched a kid in the face for teasing Lindley. The kid kept saying something over and over to make Lin scream and he and his mates would laugh. I grabbed the kid by the shoulder, spun him around and punched him right in the mouth. I have a scar on my pinky finger to prove it. Battle wounds!!!!!! I admit I could have handled it better but back in those days, you didn't pick on MY brother.

Lin is a bit of a loner. Friends are liked but not really a necessity for him. There's only really been a few times that he's had a friend over to stay. Because of this, Mum admits she never really expects Lin to the be the social bee he is at times and she's still quite protective of him.

Okay, maybe not that bad....

There's plenty of shit going in my life at the moment. I had my first seizure where I had to be hospitalised for the first time in years yesterday. It was crazy and extremely unexpected. Luckily 3 paramedics were actually having lunch at the table across from us. I felt so bad for interrupting their lunch and also scaring the crap out of my girl friends. They're incredible btw. Vernell, Monique and Tori <3 They took my stuff back to mine and went to the hospital to stay with me. It had felt like my body had run a marathon and I couldn't breath properly for hours. I slept a total of 15 hours that night. 

OH EPILEPSY, YOU NEVER MAKE MY LIFE BORING.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

The museum has some pretty funky displays going on at the moment. Taxidermied animals in glass cases. Every Australian bird, mammal, reptile, insect, spiders, fish all set up. I had to take a photo of this crab because it looks like Geodude, the rock Pokemon. 

It should be called the Geodude crab. What ever Einstein of creativity named it "Dark Fingered Crab" should be fired from the "Naming Animals" department.

 I've also noticed these things on trollies now. I don't know about you, but I don't know how I ever survived without one of these in the past.

No, no. Your eyes are deceiving you. That is an actual Baguette and or Floral holder. 

and lastly, this is what happens when there is a fault on the tracks and an early morning commuter train has to be evacuated at Toombul station. I lol'd because I was already on the other platform and got on the new train before everyone else. 

I'm so cool

I feel like dancing

Wellll, I'm back at Tafe and happy I have finally something to do. Tafe is two days a week now but my manager seems to believe I am incapable of working the other 5 and just gives me one shift on Sunday night...one exact week after my last. He didn't get back to my message enquiring about why the lack of shifts and the only conclusion that I can come to is that he's a wanker. From what I've heard, all people's shifts are getting cut down which is irritating when you strive to take care of yourself despite living under your parents roof still.
I don't really want to find a new job already. It's only been a couple of months since I started at the airport and I enjoy being there.
Other possible job options which have been proposed to me are:

• Cat breeder
• >Go to Tatooine
  >Build a pod
  >Win Boonta Eve Classic
  >Become intergalactic podracer mod
  >???
  >Profit!
• Get a job in house work. Any kind of house work and when the owners have left the house to you, find the family camera and take a picture of your boobs and leave it there. 
• Space Cadet
• This man:
  

No need to be alarmed, my dear. This is what modern medicine calls a Fluoroscope.

Ha Ha Medicine!

My body is sore. I must have danced for about an hour and a half to two hours straight at Faith. I just had this "You know what, I don't care, imma go mental" moment and it lasted quite a while. I have not had one dance lesson my entire life and when I was younger I used to copy dance moves off tv. This is how I hope I looked last night;

and this is what I most likely looked like:

Come.at.me.bro

So recently it just occured to me that I like taking pictures of other people's cats. (Which will be in a new blog post) I could make a separate folder for all the pictures I take of Staz's cat, Auska. I swear that cat is a wizard though. Or he's been on this planet before. I've not known many cats to have a personality like that little asshole. I think it's cute when he's cranky. You can actually see it in his little face. bwahahaha


I had to enter down a few lines because I kept staring at that kid dancing. Admit it, you watched it about 20 times too.

Auska Wilde
♥

The cat who fathered Harley's kittens is adorable. He likes to sit out in our driveway and sit with our biggest cat. He only comes out at night so I haven't been able to get a picture of him. But I have drawn this anatomically correct sketch of him, straight down to the little scratches on his nose.

If you haven't already noticed, I kinda like cats more than I like people. Then again, I'd rather be in the presences of an aids infected sponge than to be in a crowd of people. I'm going to have to suck that up when Soundwave comes along. According to studies, Slipknot's moshpit is one of the most brutalist. My body is ready. Well not quite. Eh, Slipknot is worth the concussion.
Now I should probably go and try to sleep. Although that may be difficult since I've suddenly got a whole heap of shit on my mind. I need to take Portal 2 back to blockbuster. Or I could pretend I don't have it which kind of reminds me of one of David Thorn's articles "Blockbuster late fees" It's funny. You should read it. Also I haven't done my psychology and I think I upset someone. I know right? Since when do I care....but I do 'cause this person just happens to be awesome. I'm sorry :(