Mer has feelings too

I actually don't mind writing blogs. I'll most likely be the worst updater in history, but these days I have a lot of my mind so a blog would be good for me. Facebook used to be the only site (apart from one other, it shall remain ANONYMOUS) that I participated in. I'm not that fantastic at putting things into words. Some of my experiences I can really tell because I have no idea how to collaborate them in appropriate syntax and grammar. So I usually draw pictures of my emotions, experiences into comics, what not and so on.

This is my happy drawing. The middle looks like the Channel 2 ABC logo. That wasn't intentional.

It takes a lot for me to get angry. I usually just keep it in, try not to think too much of what isn't important, but when I do get angry, it only really takes something small to set off that little ball of fire that has been burning up inside of me. I'm not good at telling my feelings until really it's a little too late and i end up taking it out on someone who doesn't deserve it. I'm on medication for it and I don't rage as much when I'm on them.

My spiral of deep depression. Usually coincides with anger. I don't really get 'sad' when I'm depressed. The depression spiral hasn't appeared for a while, I'm almost afraid of it. Although lately, I've been feeling let down and hurt but I try to fill my life with this next emotion.

This is how I feel when I see a kitty. BY GOLLY I DO LOVE CATS. Probably a little bit too much...and I know how you weirdos think, I mean it doesn't mean whose cat it is, when I see a cat I'm instantly filled with this joy. Cats are pretty damn amazing. C.A.T.S - Comfort and Trouble Sharing all over the world.

So they are just basically what I could think up of. I've tried drawing love but I had trouble describing what I had drawn. It was like some sort of demented looking heart. There wasn't really much going for me when it comes to drawing intimate love. I have only been truly in love once and my experience with it ending wasn't a pleasant one. I know! I'll pull a Queen Elizabeth I and become a born again virgin!
Love that I have for my friends and family are different and should obviously look different but haven't drawn that either because I'm lazy. 

Lately the past has been nagging at me and it's a problem that's not worth dealing with and if I did, it would stir shit up even more. It's almost like standing in a crowded room and screaming at the top of your lungs and no one even looks at you. Why don't they hear me?? It doesn't bother me as much as it used to but sometimes in my head, bad things happening to those people is the only rational solution. Of course I'm not actually going to do anything but it's that fricken bad that the thought of a train running over this problem is HILARIOUS. I don't trust anyone with any sort of personal information I don't want to be spread around like wild fire. Lesson learned I guess. Only trust cats with secrets and don't rely on people to be there for you when you're feeling at your worst.

tl;dr I have trouble sharing emotion and I hate people.

Thanks for reading, I know it was long.