My Twisted Depression

My life is pretty awesome to be honest. It definitely has it's ups and downs and isn't always smooth sailing but I really don't have too much to worry about right now....but then I still get really, really depressed. It's probably one of the most difficult things to explain and it's just as confusing when someone asks you what's wrong and all I can think of to say is "I don't know..."

I have always had trouble getting to sleep at night but when I'm sad, it's like I'm wearing those eye restraints in Clockwork Orange.

Especially on work nights do I just lie and stare at the wall or ceiling. It's not because I have to work, just the thought of getting up sometimes seems like such a strenuous task. But once I'm out of bed, decently dressed and around people, I change into this sort of wild child who basically finds everything down to seeing an insect as being a good start to the day.

Some may look at it as being a mask but I am genuinely cheerful. I'm also just not one of those people who likes to talk too much about their problems in fear that I'll come across as someone who complains about how miserable they are when there are starving children in Africa who would love to have my misery instead of theirs. Plus I don't like to get other people down with something that I should really be dealing with myself. When I say I'm fine, don't push me or I'll push you. Physically. and then I'll have to apologize and nobody wants to see that.

I love to preoccupy myself when I'm alone with music, books and 4chan. It's fantastic talking to people and reading things people, who are more miserable than myself post. I shouldn't really use the word miserable so loosely although if I don't really have a plan for myself I end up sitting on the couch with chocolate looking like this.

Should I get help? Well I'm on meds so just as long as I stay on those I won't look like 'someone has stolen my flock' as my mother puts it. If we had Thanksgiving in Australia, I would be thankful for my fast metabolism. I do actually have the most amazing friends and a loving family, as I said, it's a very difficult feeling and thing to explain but it's something I won't give up working on. But if I come across as cold, don't answer your texts, don't answer your message or wall post for a couple of days, I just have no energy to give a fuck about anything except where I'm going to get money for my next chocolate fix. WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE? STOP INSULTING MY FURNITURE! It was a wedding gift, it would be rude if I gave it to Vinnies so soon.
Kay I'm done.