Body Paint Project by Samm Starrs

Clickkkey the picture to make it bigger...if you likes.

ATTACK OF THE BOOBS

Samm's work never fails to amaze me. She is brilliant. Painting took around 5 hours. (with a few little breaks)  I look tired. I wanted to sit sooooo badly.

If you want to look at some of Samm's other stuff Click here

DEFINE REALITY

....There's something wrong with you.

It's true, I'm not all there. No, I don't take drugs.
I know I'm different. stfu I'm pretty boss at multitasking. Half my head's in the clouds and the rest is in reality.

I guess I just think differently to some people. I often have trouble relating to emotion, I sometimes take things literally and sympathy doesn't come from me easily. Times is hard but I believe if there's something that can be done about it, then suck it up and do it. If there isn't anything you can do, leave it be. I used to be a lot more tolerant but I just got walked all over. The people who have used me as door mat no longer exist to me any more. Sadly I've developed the "I don't give a shit" attitude towards things. Not towards everything of course. School, work, family and friendships mean everything to me but I could not give a witches tit if someone didn't like me. That was something that used to bother me so much and now it's honestly the least of my worries.


One person who has always been there for me is my little brother, Lindley. Click HERE to go to one of my earlier stories about him. Miraculously, Lin's never had much of a problem with bullying. The people he went to school with were all really understanding. There were a few exceptions though. I once punched a kid in the face for teasing Lindley. The kid kept saying something over and over to make Lin scream and he and his mates would laugh. I grabbed the kid by the shoulder, spun him around and punched him right in the mouth. I have a scar on my pinky finger to prove it. Battle wounds!!!!!! I admit I could have handled it better but back in those days, you didn't pick on MY brother.

Lin is a bit of a loner. Friends are liked but not really a necessity for him. There's only really been a few times that he's had a friend over to stay. Because of this, Mum admits she never really expects Lin to the be the social bee he is at times and she's still quite protective of him.

Okay, maybe not that bad....

There's plenty of shit going in my life at the moment. I had my first seizure where I had to be hospitalised for the first time in years yesterday. It was crazy and extremely unexpected. Luckily 3 paramedics were actually having lunch at the table across from us. I felt so bad for interrupting their lunch and also scaring the crap out of my girl friends. They're incredible btw. Vernell, Monique and Tori <3 They took my stuff back to mine and went to the hospital to stay with me. It had felt like my body had run a marathon and I couldn't breath properly for hours. I slept a total of 15 hours that night. 

OH EPILEPSY, YOU NEVER MAKE MY LIFE BORING.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

The museum has some pretty funky displays going on at the moment. Taxidermied animals in glass cases. Every Australian bird, mammal, reptile, insect, spiders, fish all set up. I had to take a photo of this crab because it looks like Geodude, the rock Pokemon. 

It should be called the Geodude crab. What ever Einstein of creativity named it "Dark Fingered Crab" should be fired from the "Naming Animals" department.

 I've also noticed these things on trollies now. I don't know about you, but I don't know how I ever survived without one of these in the past.

No, no. Your eyes are deceiving you. That is an actual Baguette and or Floral holder. 

and lastly, this is what happens when there is a fault on the tracks and an early morning commuter train has to be evacuated at Toombul station. I lol'd because I was already on the other platform and got on the new train before everyone else. 

I'm so cool

I feel like dancing

Wellll, I'm back at Tafe and happy I have finally something to do. Tafe is two days a week now but my manager seems to believe I am incapable of working the other 5 and just gives me one shift on Sunday night...one exact week after my last. He didn't get back to my message enquiring about why the lack of shifts and the only conclusion that I can come to is that he's a wanker. From what I've heard, all people's shifts are getting cut down which is irritating when you strive to take care of yourself despite living under your parents roof still.
I don't really want to find a new job already. It's only been a couple of months since I started at the airport and I enjoy being there.
Other possible job options which have been proposed to me are:

• Cat breeder
• >Go to Tatooine
  >Build a pod
  >Win Boonta Eve Classic
  >Become intergalactic podracer mod
  >???
  >Profit!
• Get a job in house work. Any kind of house work and when the owners have left the house to you, find the family camera and take a picture of your boobs and leave it there. 
• Space Cadet
• This man:
  

No need to be alarmed, my dear. This is what modern medicine calls a Fluoroscope.

Ha Ha Medicine!

My body is sore. I must have danced for about an hour and a half to two hours straight at Faith. I just had this "You know what, I don't care, imma go mental" moment and it lasted quite a while. I have not had one dance lesson my entire life and when I was younger I used to copy dance moves off tv. This is how I hope I looked last night;

and this is what I most likely looked like:

Come.at.me.bro

So recently it just occured to me that I like taking pictures of other people's cats. (Which will be in a new blog post) I could make a separate folder for all the pictures I take of Staz's cat, Auska. I swear that cat is a wizard though. Or he's been on this planet before. I've not known many cats to have a personality like that little asshole. I think it's cute when he's cranky. You can actually see it in his little face. bwahahaha


I had to enter down a few lines because I kept staring at that kid dancing. Admit it, you watched it about 20 times too.

Auska Wilde
♥

The cat who fathered Harley's kittens is adorable. He likes to sit out in our driveway and sit with our biggest cat. He only comes out at night so I haven't been able to get a picture of him. But I have drawn this anatomically correct sketch of him, straight down to the little scratches on his nose.

If you haven't already noticed, I kinda like cats more than I like people. Then again, I'd rather be in the presences of an aids infected sponge than to be in a crowd of people. I'm going to have to suck that up when Soundwave comes along. According to studies, Slipknot's moshpit is one of the most brutalist. My body is ready. Well not quite. Eh, Slipknot is worth the concussion.
Now I should probably go and try to sleep. Although that may be difficult since I've suddenly got a whole heap of shit on my mind. I need to take Portal 2 back to blockbuster. Or I could pretend I don't have it which kind of reminds me of one of David Thorn's articles "Blockbuster late fees" It's funny. You should read it. Also I haven't done my psychology and I think I upset someone. I know right? Since when do I care....but I do 'cause this person just happens to be awesome. I'm sorry :( 

Bananas, Eminem as Jigsaw, Bebo, books and shit.

YES WE HAVE NO,
YES WE HAVE NO,
WE HAVE NO BANANAS
WE HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY
(sing that to Handel's Hallelujah chorus. IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND )


Bananas are great, aren't they? I bought some today and they are delicious. I also was drinking a can of V at the time and believe it or not, banana and V taste quite nice together. I've had two cans of V today and I can't tell whether I'm buzzing or just a bit dizzy 'cause I bashed my head on the top of the fridge door. How I manage to do these things to myself is beyond me.

Last week I went to the book festival with mum. It was good. I bought more albums and singles than books. Also my favourite Saw movie. Saw II. MORE SUSPENSE AND MIND TWISTS RATHER THAN JUST GORE. Horror movies seem to rely on gore and jumpy noises rather than suspense these days and I think they should have just left the Saw movies as a trilogy rather than a Sevengy? But I did enjoy the last movie. I thought it wrapped stuff up pretty well even though it got a 5.5 rating on IMDB.
Is it only me who thinks Tobin Bell (Jigsaw) is what Eminem will look like 30 years time?

TAKE A LOOK

I've always seemed to have thought so.

Meanwhile at the bookfest, I fell upon some rather strange titles that I simply couldn't resist taking pictures of.

 LEARN AND KNOW THEM WITH THE HELP OF THIS HANDY, APPROACHABLE BOOK

 Also another self help guide. It's a problem at this time of year, those Russians and their shenanigans. 

 I don't think it needs to be any more specific. But wouldn't it suck if you needed a gentle method of raising a baby flying-fox but it wasn't an orphan? This book would be completely useless to you.

This one I bought simply because it cost next to nothing and because of the title as well. It's so cute and also something I would probably call a book if I ever wrote one. No, I wouldn't call it "All about Cuckoos and Robins and things" but it would probably have the "And things" part at the end of my title. Except probably if it were my book, instead of "and things" it would be "And shit."

I tried explaining that to several people. All knew what I was going to say.

Me: I bought this book because it reminded me of the way I write things

Staz: Lol cute

Me: Yah I'd write a book with that title but instead of "and things" it would be...

Staz: and shit.

Me:......(see face below)

....yes




This week I achieved ageing another year. Mer is 22. I always think since I've aged one year, overnight I would just change into this new person. But as usual with that thought, I'm wrong. I like the person I am right now, actually. I've been described as "Fun, witty, good to talk to" etc...by friends and family obviously.
I got an email from Bebo wishing me a Happy Birthday and I just went OHH YEAH, I have one of those. I went on there and...it was awful! The description about myself....I sound like a little scene bitch. Also, everyone I have listed as my "close, life long friends"; the majority of those people I don't even talk to any more or have banished out of my life. One tried to poison me, others are just backstabbing deadshits and my ex is still listed as my current boyfriend which made my stomach turn a little bit. I think I only talk to 2 of those people on that list of mine. The last time I had signed into my Bebo account was sometime in 2009. I whinge in there somewhere about turning 20 so obviously almost 3 years ago. Crazy how things change in such a small amount of time. I would go on there and change that shit but I lost my password and username years ago and could not be bothered retrieving it.

I suppose I'll change again, mature and stuff in the next few years. I suppose I'll need to considering the future I have planned for myself. LOL See how things go.

My Cats

I've had cats all my life and there is not doubt in my mind that I'll turn into a creepy old cat lady. If I'm not one already

This is Jess. He's old and grumpy and belongs to my brother. He also likes sitting on shoes. He turns 12 this year and is an overweight blob so for his birthday coming up, I bought him a leash. Although today I learned that walking him is going to be more a challenge than I thought.

This strapping young lad is Chester. He's some sort of Siamese cross. He doesn't like the other cats and will growl if confronted by one. He loves snuggles and sleeps on my bed at night sometimes.

This is my lady, Harlequin. Or Harley. We saved her as a kitten. I talk about her a lot to the extent where people think she's a human until I say something about her liking to sleep in the bathtub or hiding in the linen cupboard. She absolutely adores Jess and will skip over to him and rub up against him. Sometimes she'll even wash his face, if he lets her. It's adorable.

This is a comic of how I thought this situation of when Harley first saw Jess' harness went down.

An update of a Maniac.

I have always had difficulty letting things go. By things, I mean items as well as the past. Not dwelling on the past has improved with maturity but I just seem to accumulate more items with no future plans for throwing anything away. It's that common case of "I'll need this later" and then when I finally throw it out, I need it. 

Converse shoes are quite possibly my favouritest brand of shoe. I wear them almost everywhere to the point where they're almost falling apart. Eventually I can't wear them anymore and I'll go out almost immediately and buy a new pair....but for the last 6 years, I haven't thrown out the previous pair.

My latest pair are purple because they were $40 cheaper than the "Original" black and white. I'm liking my new purple shoes. They're pretty cash. Whilst gathering up my shoes I noticed one particular detail on my shoes that was identical to the pair before it. This is what generally seals my shoe's fate

There are holes in the soles in the same place of every left shoe. Which has lead me to believe that I somehow, for the last 6 years have walked like this

It's only a few weeks into the new year and already I can tell this is going to be more than an interesting year. I have seen two of my most favoured bands, learned a little more about myself and I start uni this mid semester. But I'm pretty sure I've made an enemy, I went ahead and lost my 18+ card after the Dresden Dolls concert and I may have to look into getting my medication changed, which will most likely cost a small fortune.

Okay, so nothing extremely tragic/life changing but the shit thing is is that the government has come up with an absolutely fabulous inconvenient idea. They no longer issue 18+ cards or licences straight away. We all have to wait "a maximum of 2 weeks" for our new card to arrive by mail because they have decided to put a chip in the card containing your details, secret questions and what other shit they could think up of. It will look something like this

Isn't it lovely?
 I will glue this card to me.

I've learned a little about myself these past few weeks, I used to worry if someone didn't like me and now I really could care less. A little bit of bitchiness happened during the fashion show for New Years at Faith and I'm not really one to put up with shit anymore. I have always had a problem with people though. Like this person who doesn't seem to understand why it is called a 'Bumper Sticker'

I've always enjoyed the company of animals and I think they make truer friends than people in some respects. Like keeping secrets and caring if you're sad or not and not going out of their way to deliberately make you sad. Like this chicken who belongs to a friend of the family's. She lets me pat her and makes cool noises when I feed her.

I call her Steve.

New Year, Facebook and the word fuck.

Dear 2011,
Thank you for not being as shit as 2010. Although it isn't hard to be less shit than 2010.
Dear 2010, fuck you.

People ask me what my 2012 new years resolution will be. Time doesn't exist. Time is man made, if I want something done properly, I'll do it fucking now. I'm sure I have a few things to change, most definitely. Stop swearing so much to begin with. I hardly ever swear in front of my parents. I'll let the occasional fuck slip out but they'll be in my face immediately about it. I can understand though 'cause fuck isn't the nicest word but it's brilliant. It can be a noun, adjective and verb. You can even split two words in half and add a fuck in between and it still makes sense. Best word ever? Emphasize how much you love that word by putting fuck in the middle. BEST FUCKING WORD EVER. Look how excited I am about this word.
I'm a cranky kitty. So I should probably finish this later.

EDIT:
For months I have been contemplating about deleting my facebook account and other such social networking sites. Maybe I wouldn't have to if I wasn't so addicted to it.

But what makes as person addicted to such a site? Is it actual interest in what other people are doing? Probably not. For some it maybe somewhere they feel they belong and are accepted because we all know how much easier it is to type out a conversation than it is to converse face to face. Also, how many people in your friends list do you actually know? If you're someone like me and only accept and add people I know, how many people do you actually consider a "friend". Do you really want people you don't even know seeing pictures and information of yourself? It makes me kinda paranoid. But I feel bad deleting people and I'm too lazy to make a new account. So the less information you put on your profile the better. Don't take a picture of your damn street sign and the front of your house. That's just asking for some surprise sex.

Wall comments and especially picture comments make people feel good about themselves. I can definitely relate to that. I love picture comments. I read an article briefly about profile pictures and the ones people choose for themselves are generally how they want people to see them as. Which is a very valid and fair enough point.
This is exactly how I look right now

No make up, no air brushing (not that I get much of that done on my modelling shots anyway ;D) and it looks as though my brain might as well be dripping out of my nose.

So, would you blame me if I wanted people to think I look like this all the time?

So I guess I could throw a heap of morals and stuff out there. Other people's opinions don't matter, so long as you're comfortable with yourself, whether you want people to believe you're something your not is probably not the best idea because you'll have to keep up some sort of act which will just keep getting harder and harder to maintain. blah blah blah It's really entirely up to you how you want the world to see you and if you want to put a car as your profile picture and make people believe you're a transformer, then I take my hat off to you, good sir.

If I were a kitty

If I were a kitty, I would look like this:

Obviously a black kitty but with straight long fur and a fluffy tail. I wouldn't look exactly like this kitty. This kitty looks a bit shocked. If I were a kitty, I would be a chilled kitty.

If I were a kitty, I lie on my back in the grass and sun myself. I would then roll around. Nobody questions a kitty when they roll.

If I were a kitty, I'd sleep where ever I like. I try to do this as a human but sleeping on top of the fridge or under the bed will be a lot easier if I were a kitty.

If I were a kitty, I would sit on the steps and watch people go by and laugh silently to myself. One day you all will worship me, all of you who don't all ready.

If I were a kitty, I would refuse to eat cat food. It makes me dry wretch as a human, it will make me dry wretch as a kitty. Biscuits are fine but I would like the chicken you're eating, oh and that mash potato looks good too.

If I were a kitty, I would have claws. I will try to sharpen them on the furniture despite the fact you bought me a $50 scratching post. I didn't ask for this scratching post. The furniture is just fine.

If I were a kitty, the places to sit would be endless. Your paperwork, magazines, clothes and keyboard/laptop are some of the most comfiest. You don't expect me to sit on the floor, do you?

The only problem would be if I were a kitty is I'd have to clean myself with my own tongue and do this several times a day, sometimes for half an hour at a time. Don't touch me just as I have finished cleaning that section of myself, I will have to do it over again.

If I were a kitty, I would hide in a place where only the dog next door will be able to see me. I would sit there and stare at it and the stupid thing will bark but to its owners it would look like it is barking at nothing and they will hopefully take that dog away. I will then jump over the fence and tip over the dog's water dish.

If I were a kitty, I would disregard the fact that you spent quite a lot of money on cat toys. The leaves outside provide hours of entertainment as well as anything else that moves. That includes your feet.

If I were a kitty, I would want to enter through the door, not through the window you opened for me. Once the door is opened, I will walk in when I'm ready. During this time, I ask for your patients because making the best entrance is very important to me.

If I were a kitty, I would not have a care in the world.

WARNING This post contains material that may offend who ever this is written about.

Hi, my name is Darryn and I'm a Subway manager at Subway. I'm really good at my job and I reckon I'm probably the best Subway manager Subway has had for a really long time. If not ever. I wear a different shirt to everyone else to show that I'm the manager. It's grey-t. That's one of the many jokes I have up my sleeve. Often I think about becoming a comedian but I don't think the world is ready for how funny I am. I'm a special breed of comedy so I give the people I hire the honour of listening to my jokes and they all love it. They even try to make jokes themselves but I don't laugh because they're not my type of jokes, so they're not funny. I can often be seen counting money and I own a safe key. There's only one other safe key like it so I'm pretty lucky. I also like giving compliments to James. When I go to leave the shop and James is out the front, I give him a quick "Keep up  the good work, James." and it makes his day.
I love my job so much I go in at 3 in the morning and get everything done before the first shift arrives at 5. They usually say, "Wow Darryn, you got everything done! What am I supposed to do now?"
and I said "It's okay, all for the good of Subway."

G'day, my name is Sharyn and I love Hugh Jackman more than anything else in the world. That is until I find something else that I like, but for now I'm his biggest fan. No one is allowed to dislike him and no one can like him more than me. Hugh and I have never met but as soon as I saw him in that movie where he had those knives coming out of his hands, I knew we were meant to be together. If you have a different opinion to me about Hugh, you're inhuman.
Things my obsession is more important than

- My immediate family

-Lawn mowers

-Trees

-Hydrogen

and everything else.

I own all of his movies and also have every picture of him that exists saved in a folder on my desktop. I also have a few pictures of him getting into his car on my Nokia camera phone. I know all of the information on his Wikipedia page off by heart and I have dedicated my personal Facebook to him.

If you like Hugh, but not more than me, add my Facebook. If not, you can stay away from my family.

My Twisted Depression

My life is pretty awesome to be honest. It definitely has it's ups and downs and isn't always smooth sailing but I really don't have too much to worry about right now....but then I still get really, really depressed. It's probably one of the most difficult things to explain and it's just as confusing when someone asks you what's wrong and all I can think of to say is "I don't know..."

I have always had trouble getting to sleep at night but when I'm sad, it's like I'm wearing those eye restraints in Clockwork Orange.

Especially on work nights do I just lie and stare at the wall or ceiling. It's not because I have to work, just the thought of getting up sometimes seems like such a strenuous task. But once I'm out of bed, decently dressed and around people, I change into this sort of wild child who basically finds everything down to seeing an insect as being a good start to the day.

Some may look at it as being a mask but I am genuinely cheerful. I'm also just not one of those people who likes to talk too much about their problems in fear that I'll come across as someone who complains about how miserable they are when there are starving children in Africa who would love to have my misery instead of theirs. Plus I don't like to get other people down with something that I should really be dealing with myself. When I say I'm fine, don't push me or I'll push you. Physically. and then I'll have to apologize and nobody wants to see that.

I love to preoccupy myself when I'm alone with music, books and 4chan. It's fantastic talking to people and reading things people, who are more miserable than myself post. I shouldn't really use the word miserable so loosely although if I don't really have a plan for myself I end up sitting on the couch with chocolate looking like this.

Should I get help? Well I'm on meds so just as long as I stay on those I won't look like 'someone has stolen my flock' as my mother puts it. If we had Thanksgiving in Australia, I would be thankful for my fast metabolism. I do actually have the most amazing friends and a loving family, as I said, it's a very difficult feeling and thing to explain but it's something I won't give up working on. But if I come across as cold, don't answer your texts, don't answer your message or wall post for a couple of days, I just have no energy to give a fuck about anything except where I'm going to get money for my next chocolate fix. WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE? STOP INSULTING MY FURNITURE! It was a wedding gift, it would be rude if I gave it to Vinnies so soon.
Kay I'm done.

Tiger shoot

This is me painted as a tiger... click on it to make it larger...if you dare.

If you do this, I hate you.

I enjoy my job to an extent. It's repetitive but at the same time different not to mention it's easy and I love who I work with.*
Dealing with customers is pretty cruisey...then there's people like this

I hope this blog doesn't turn into incidents at Subway. >__<  Nothing much else exciting to write about yet. But holidays are official next week and I can start growing my hair back from where I've been ripping it out and I'll catch up on sleep and put the weight I lost back on. I was a little stressed this semester...

*They paid me to say that 

Nom nom art

I love art. I have learned to appreciate any type and all types of art. For instance, some twisted metal in the middle of the city may look like an eyesore to some, but I can definitely see the time and effort put into it. I love the way some people have really captured landscapes or even an old building. Often I go to the Gallery of Modern Art in Southbank to see exhibits they have every few months and I often get my money's worth.
The only issue I have and the only type of art I cannot understand are those 'paintings' with the a few spatters of paint thrown onto a white canvas. Or a dot stuck right in the middle. How do these end up in a gallery and sell for thousands of dollars at a time?

Is it really brilliant, fat man? Or are you just wanting money out of this snobby twat? If that can sell, so can the doodles in my tafe books. 

 I drew my Canadian friend, Greg. 

Picture up top very relevant to what we were learning in Bio at the time.